do you ever get weirded out by the fact that everyone around you is constantly within their own mind and thinking a million secret thoughts and battling internal struggles just like you and that you’re not the only one who thinks these things and that the people around you aren’t just faces meant to fill up your life but they’re actually really deep people who have a lot more to them than you ever actually even think about
There’s a first for everything. First word, first steps. First day of school. You get the point, but there’s also the first time you hear a band, swim, fly on a plane, go hiking. The first time I snorted Vicodin. The first time I tried to get clean. The first time I truly heard who Jesus was (and is).
These firsts give us an initiation to who we are, who we were and who we are going to become. It took 3 times to get clean. And now I’m 3 months shy of 2 years.
I first went backpacking in 8th grade. And I was miserable. I cried every night. But here I am almost 10 years later and backpacking, camping and being outside give me clarity. I feel pain and get tired, but it’s a discipline. A pain that shows perseverance. And now I’m 95% sure I want to pursue a masters in Leadership and Outdoor Ministry. Being outside and getting dirty, whether I am camping with friends or on a work site with volunteers gives me a reason to stay clean. It’s raw faith. It’s knowing that someone else is carrying my burden. It’s meeting God where He is. It’s doing life.
These are my passions. Who I am. And when I look around I know who I am is just me. A goofy, messy person. Maybe I swear too much. But I also pray a lot. And God is center. And at the top of the Knob at sunset and sunrise these past 2 days I know God was there too. I was in prayer for much of my time up there and just feeling thankful.
At sunset you can look around and see the sun setting in the West. The ball of light going downward. And the moon comping up on the other side. At one point they were both visible in a panorama just like in Joshua where God made the sun and moon sit still. It’s like time stopped and all I had was that moment. I trust God above all else. How can you deny Him when you see all that beauty? The rattle snake with the “V” on its head. That’s how you know poison. And all poisonous snakes have that. That is no accident.
So, all I’m saying is have lots of firsts. Try new things. Have likes and dislikes. Make friends, make mistakes. But above all find out who YOU are in the image of God and hold onto that.
So I’ve decided that the path of least of resistance may be easier but it will lead to complacency. And even though this year has been plagued with road blocks, tugs of war and hard work that I’ve been doing mostly solo, it is so worth it. The path of resistance creates perseverance, makes leaders and brings forward strength.
Jesus met resistance all along His way. He died, on a cross but in the end He has the most glory and had done that most good. So I choose to walk with Him, in Him and like Him. Even if I am weary and some days feel broken and spent.
“But then I realized I was holding onto something that didn’t exist anymore. That the person I missed didn’t exist anymore. People change. The things we like and dislike change. And we could wish all day long that they didn’t, but they always will.”—(via faded-maps)
Yes, I’m choosing joy. No, that does not mean it’s easy. I have the inner battle every day between joy & depression. Some days I’m barely hanging on to that joy. But it’s still there. I can still be sad & have joy. My joy comes from Christ in me, not the circumstances around me.
Sometimes life is frustrating; it seems like every important decision you make turns out to be a process of trial and error. Please don’t be discouraged. God will work through your difficulties for your good and His glory. He will take a trial and turn it into a triumph if you are willing to trust…
do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.